Oznaka: my post

Me, on a random sunny day, writing about my emotional state:

“I went to the bathroom after I woke up from this dream, looked out of the window, and I saw the sun starting rising. I looked around and decided I didn’t give a fuck anymore, it was too beautiful outside to not go for a walk.

I had to get this out of me, writing being my therapy and all, and now I can go eat breakfast and hopefully find warm pants in which I can safely go out without freezing my thighs off. I pray I won’t fall or fuck up my knee. Fingers crossed.”

Me, on another sunny day, approximately 150000 words into a 547646 words long fic that’s set in the Victorian era, when I feel the need to pour my current feelings onto paper:

“I thought I was, at last, clear of the influence of depression that has plagued my mind since January. Granted, such dark thoughts never did leave my head completely, they just got buried so far back in the vast land of my mind I couldn’t access them as easily as I do now. My walls have crumbled down. What once was the fiercest fortress guarding the fragile contents of this human shell now lays in ruins.”

“I grieve for my former self. Why couldn’t I lose both weight and the mental shackles that prevent me from living? Does one always have to forfeit one thing to gain another?”

Watching people put Jack Crawford in his place brings me such joy

Specifically, when in the first episode, “Aperitif”, Jack first visits Hannibal, Hannibal is seeing Franklyn off and Jack rudely interrupts them as soon as they step out of the office. After the initial misunderstanding of who Dr Lecter is, Jack asks him if he can come in, while Franklyn is still casually standing there. Hannibal responds with, “You may wait in the waiting room,” and Jack just stands there for a few seconds with this dumbstruck expression:

I love it, especially after that earlier scene in the men’s toilet where he yells at the poor, unsuspecting FBI Agent for trying to use the restroom for its intended purposes. I mean, it’s not like he and Will could go find a private office and talk there lol

I’m rewatching Hannibal again but with a twist that no one saw coming. I’ve decided to take my time and am thus not binge watching it, but savouring every scene, one episode at a time. And the episodes are in 1080p, which means I’m sitting here, awestruck from the all around high quality goodness that is NBC’s Hannibal.

Example #*insert a random but large number* How Hannibal Changed My Life

Me, two weeks ago: I loved classical music in Hannibal. I should listen to some of it. *finds a random playlist*

Me, ten days ago: There are so many good choices on this playlist, but I love that one in particular, I shall listen to it on repeat. [Serenade for Strings in E Major, Op. 22, II. Menuetto: Allegro con Moto]

Me, a week ago: I almost forgot the music from two of my favourite scenes in the show. I better listen to that on repeat too. [Piangero la sorte mia, performed by Emily Klassen] [Alleluja, performed by Micah Luna]

My brain, for the last few days: I know you wanted a moment of complete silence and a blank mind but it’s not gonna happen lol have this stuck in your head forever instead

Me this morning: *wakes up*

My brain this morning: Well ain’t it a beautiful day. You know what would make it even better? A waltz. *Serenade for Strings starts playing in my head*

My brain: Better mix it up a bit tho, lemme add those other two compositions that you love

Me: This is turning into torture. Why

Also me: *starts listening to a playlist of all classical music that featured on Hannibal* This ought to make it better.

Me, a week from now: What have I done

Long story short, these three brilliant pieces of music have been stuck in my head for days. I kid you not, as soon as I wake up, one of them starts to play in my head. My talents include but are not limited to: annoying myself into wanting to exit my body. How does one tell their brain to stfu?

Oh. My. God. 

First I wake up to a message from my sister informing me of the existence of  “Say Amen (Saturday Night)”, then I listen to it and die, bc aw yiss Brendon is so talented; also that fucking video is soo good and it reminds me of fight sequences from Kingsman movies and I absolutely love Kingsman. 

Then I discover the other new P!atD song, “(Fuck a) Silver Lining”, get hyped the fuck up, and now I get a notification for this performance? It’s such a b eatiful day today and I am fangirling hard.

I need to point out some things tho:

1. What kind of a magical creature lives in Brendon’s hair bc damn that always looks so soft and fluffy

2. Can’t stay still when he’s jumping around having fun like that

3. That backing track gives me life

4. The moment when the trumpet, trombone and saxophone join in? Sign me the fuck up. Also this part? So good

5. That sudden change in the atmosphere and the lights turning to red, you just know it’s coming

6. That fucking wink and then when he goes down to Sinatraland? Yes is what I say to that

7. And last but not least, the cherry on top that is the build-up to and the flawless execution of the most epic high note ever

8. I’m Jimmy and the audience every time I listen to this song and also every other P!atD song from the last three albums (disclaimer: I love previous albums too)

I haven’t been this excited for an album since Death of a Bachelor so yeah, cant wait for June 22.

Never forget Hannibal’s face when Will says, “Peter, is your social worker in that horse?”. Like, he’s seen and done some serious shit but that’s a new level of fucked up lol

And then when Peter answers with a soft “yes”. Will’s reaction = priceless