A Break Room Chat

avegetariancannibal:

“Will Graham got married,” Brian said. He swigged his coffee in the break room and pretended to read the paper.

Jimmy snorted around his mouthful of sandwich. “I didn’t think Dr. Bloom would allow that in a million years.”

Brian folded down his paper so he could show his frown. “What?”

“Y’know, nuptials behind bars?” Jimmy waggled his brows. “Think they got a conjugal visit for their honeymoon?”

Brian stared at him until he finally realized what he’d meant. “Dude! No! Graham didn’t marry Lecter!” He lowered his voice when he noticed people were looking his way. “Wait—were they ever a thing? Officially?”

“Not officially,” Jimmy said, lowering his voice, too. “I mean, I don’t think they had toothbrushes at each other’s houses or anything. It would’ve come up at the trial, don’t you think? I am more than a little positive something was going on, though.”

“Yeah?” Brian scooted his chair closer and lowered his voice further still. “Think they were kinky? I bet they were kinky as fuck.”

Jimmy scooted his own chair. “My theory is they were actually 100% boring. Saved all their wilder urges for heart sculptures and cave bear displays. Probably went home and snuggled while watching Downton Abbey.”

“No way!” Brian had never been more scandalized.

“Freddie Lounds did call them Murder Husbands, not Murder Lovers,” Jimmy said. “Implies a certain level of domesticity, doesn’t it? Husbands.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Domestic doesn’t mean boring, necessarily.”

Now Jimmy looked really interested. He leaned forward, his elbows on the table. “Do tell.”

“I dunno,” Brian said. He brought to mind the plot of some pornos he’d seen over the years. “Like, they could have been cooking together and then banging on the kitchen table, or–or tying each other up with apron strings or whatever. I’m just spitballing here! I don’t know what they did!”

Jimmy spread his hands in a conceding gesture and went back to eating his sandwich.

“Anyway, he didn’t marry Lecter,” Brian said, returning to the original subject. “But I bet for sure that cannibal freak’s totally lose his shit once he finds out.”

“Oh, for sure,” Jimmy agreed. "I hope Dr. Bloom tightened up the security.“

Brian neatened the paper he hadn’t really read and left it on the table for the next batch of employees who’d be showing up. He pushed himself away from the table and gathered up his coffee cup as well as the used napkins from Jimmy’s lunch and took them to the recycling bin.

Jimmy stopped him before they parted ways for different parts of the lab. “Don’t forget you’re coming over this weekend to binge that new show with me.”

“That one that all the reviews said was just a copy of Downton Abbey?” Brian asked with a snort.

“That’s the one,” Jimmy said.

Brian winked at him. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

-end-