aries: when people make fun of their ideas
taurus: bad drivers
gemini: the public
cancer: when they aren’t getting attention
leo: when someone eats their food without asking
virgo: anything that breathes in their direction
libra: loud noises and children
scorpio: literally everything
sagittarius: being ignored
capricorn: when someone interrupts their sentence
aquarius: fake stuff. fake people. stuff. people
pisces: when someone is mad at them
Dear BILL MAHER: It’s your right, as an American male over 15 years old, to not know who ZAYN MALIK is. But as host of a TV show with 4 million viewers, it is your job to figure out that a man whose first and last names are both Arabic just might possibly be Muslim, especially before making a cheap joke suggesting he looks like another young Muslim male who happens to be a terrorist. “Neither I not anyone on our staff knew [he was Muslim]; how could we?” you said with a poop-eating grin on FRIDAY’s show, defending yourself against accusations that your joke about ZAYN MALIK and DZHOKHAR TSARNAEV on your previous show was Islamophobic. This is why diversity matters in hiring. If the staff of your HBO show doesn’t include a single person who knows, or can figure out, that a singer who was a central figure in one of the most popular groups in the world is Muslim, you shouldn’t be laughing about it. You should be apologizing…